3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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