there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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