Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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