YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
