If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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