gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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