Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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