i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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