is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
