They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
