Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
