his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
