Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize