I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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