By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
