...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
