Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
