Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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