Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize