I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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