I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
