you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
