i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
