You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize