if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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