I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
