Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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