so let's talk penis.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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