She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize