if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
