time to smoke my breakfast
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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