it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
