This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
