Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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