I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
