Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
