so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
