JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
In America we eat man semen.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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