You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize