he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
