i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize