I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
