Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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