I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
