watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
