roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
