I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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