I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
