you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
