It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
