I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
