Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
