did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
