there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
