I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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