He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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