new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
