At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
