I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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