Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
