He uses pillows to masturbate.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
