If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my shit smells like andre
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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