I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
