I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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