The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
