You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
