quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize