Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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