I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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