I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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