You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
