Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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