I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
