Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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