after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
