There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
