On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
