I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
