I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
