I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
