It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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