there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she peed on how many people?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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