Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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