Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
