laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
