YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
