Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
