Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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