I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
