So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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