I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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