look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
