I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize