did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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