i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
