Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
