the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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