reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
