"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
