hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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