Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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