i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
