I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
